Re-cap

Many have asked for an update since my last week of school:

I graduated Friday, 12/19 and that same night mom got very ill. Mike and Lisa were driving with her back to Alpharetta when she began to scream in pain and vomiting. She refused to go to the hospital and went about four days without eating anything but an applesauce(50 calories). Honestly, she looked deathly ill and I have never been so scared for her life.

Finally, on Tuesday she had an appointment with her oncologist, who had her rushed for an immediate CAT scan. The results were that she had a blockage, and all other medical terminology that basically boils down to the fact that once she was emitted to the ER, she went into surgery. During surgery, the doctor found that her colin, which is similar to a garden hose, had kinked, ruptured, causing a hole in her colin. Everything she was eating and drinking was filling her body, instead of exiting(she was septic). I really can't believe we finally got her to go to the hospital. She was so stubborn about it and I was terrified, for those three nights that she would not wake.

She was in the hospital 23rd through the 31st. Now, she is at home in a hospital bed. She is recovering from this and she had a 50% chance of infection, well it happened and another chance of retaining all fluids, which has also happened. haha(you just have to laugh at this point- the same day I fainted, found out someone else's mom has cancer, my aunt was in the ER, and my brother was very sick) BUT the doctor was extremely positive today. All of her vital signs were ok and so hopefully she is on her way back to being well enough to not have 24-hour care, and a nurse coming twice a day.

Whew, I guess I can't really recap everything, but that is the brief version of the setback.

Doctor Appointment and I'm a semi-nurse

Mom saw her surgeon this morning and good news: no lung infection.

She is just having some complications with the surgery and it will take awhile for her recovery. I hope that she will be well enough to begin chemo again in about a month. Please pray that the cancer does not spread while she does not have the medicine in her system! 

It's been interesting having reversed roles: mother-daughter becoming daughter-mother. I have only had to make frozen meals, mac and cheese, eggs, pizza and the easy stuff while baby-sitting. AND let's be honest, for myself, I usually do the same, but throw in a ton of peanut butter and Kashi products and you have my diet. So, this time of cooking, cleaning, waiting on, bills, counting nutritional info, medication scheduling, etc has been quite the adjustment! I don't feel trained! haha Those of you who know me well, know that I like to jump into things anyway, so here I am! I'm not going to sugar-coat anything- I am really not enjoying this hold period of my life: the uncertainty of when I can have my own job, where I can go and if mom will ever be well again.

Much Love.

How is mom?

She is not recovering perfectly well from surgery: a lot of pain, no energy, infection, on and off fever. She is at home with me, but is in a hospital bed and a nurse comes twice a day. She is by no means able to take care of herself on her own. This whole fiasco has caused at least six weeks without chemotherapy. The chances of the cancer spreading are much higher and we have no idea when she will be back on her feet. Also, because she occasionally runs a high fever, the doctor is concerned that something is wrong with her lungs.

Her body has just been through hell. Surgeries, medications, lack of food and water. I just feel for her. It is sad to see her in this state and those of you who have gone through this, know exactly what we're feeling. There is nothing like it. Cancer is taking over!!! I hope that cancer is like madcow disease or the flu and that we will be able to look back and have a vaccine, but I just don't understand how we all have someone going through it. WHAT is it? A friend of mine said, that it is just proof of the broken world we live in. Well, that really breaks my heart.

How mommie can survive:
Please pray:
She needs to have 1200 calories a day and is used to having around 500 since she began chemo.
Her infection can clear.
She can get back on chemo.
She can function, as normally as she was pre-colin rupturing.
Anything and everything- emotionally, physically, spiritually

Oh the weather outside is frightful...

Holidays are always difficult to predict. Some families can't wait to get together, some don't have a family and some dread the whole idea of the season.

It really is insane how much happens when the holidays arrive. About 5 years ago, I was going through losing my dad during winter break and now I almost lost my mom. It hits you hard. There is no avoiding the painful loss of not having my dad around for the holidays and seeing my mom sick, as cancer complications take over.

I spent Christmas day with my mom, Mike and Lisa at the hospital, as my mom was awaiting a blood transfusion, because her white blood count was so low. On the 23rd, she was emitted to the ER and we found out that her colin had ruptured. She went into immediate surgery and made it through, thank the Lord. That was probably one of the most difficult days of my life. We all were not doing well. Mike and I were in panic mode and got very sick.

I HATE going to hospitals. HATE it. I praise God for all the nurses and doctors! My DNA freaks out in those places. I know I have never liked the idea of illness, blood etc, but mostly I can't handle the idea of seeing another loved one in such an amount of suffering. Oh, it just kills my core.

I could ramble about so much...these last weeks have been an overload of pain and suffering. As much as I hurt, and those around me are broken-hearted, I see how God is testing my faith.

If I worry- I have a faith issue. I have to constantly remind myself of the Truth of what life on the earth is really about. I refuse to lose my soul. So much of me wants to find satisfaction in the world when I am weak, and that is when I know God has mercy on me because I am seeing how truly imperfect, broken and torn I am(not that I haven't known this all along).

I'm trusting God for tomorrow.

"Look at the birds of the air; they do not sow or reap or store away in barns, and yet your heavenly Father feeds them. Are you not much more valuable than they? Who of you by worrying can add a single hour to his life?"
Matthew 6:26-27

super duper fast update

Mom has taken a turn for the worse! She has only eaten an apple sauce in two and a half days after throwing up for hours on Friday. She is barely drinking enough to keep going. She is beginning to be stubborn and has not let us take her to the hospital.

She is as little as it gets. Please pray for strength and hope. Also, please pray for her pain to leave her and that she will somehow become hydrated. We are all very concerned.

There's much more...but just needed prayers asap!!!!

LOVE!!!!

Awakening

Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real.

Leave out the thee and thou and speak to me now.

Speak to my pain and confusion.

Speak through my fears and my pride.

Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside.

I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most,

in a world of hurt and a world of anger I think I'm holding my own.

And I know you said there is more to life.

And I know I am not satisfied.

But there are mornings I wake up and I'm just thankful to be alive.

I've known now, for quite awhile, that I am not whole.

I've remembered the body and the mind,

But dissected my soul.

Now something inside is awakening,

Like a dream I once had and forgot.

And it's something I'm scared of

And something I don't want to stop.

And I woke up this morning and realized that Jesus is not a portrait,

Where stained glass windows or hymns or the tradition that surrounds us.

And I thought it would be hard to believe in

But it's not hard at all.

To believe I've sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

And He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom

He's asking to take my place.

To stand in the gap that I have formed

With His real, and His sweet, and His real amazing grace.

And it's not just a sign or a sacrament.

It's not just a metaphor for love.

The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of your faith.

So leave out the thee and thou and speak now.

-Sara Groves

You can fall at any level

"I will be to you whatever you need to accomplish My will"

I have been reading The Final Quest- thanks Bethany for sharing that with months and months ago! It's really interesting. It's about a spiritual battle: actual war between good and evil. The metaphors that the author uses amaze me. 

Particularly, I think it's important to learn, "when you think you are the least vulnerable to falling is in fact when you are the most vulnerable. Most men fall immediately after a great victory".

I think the main reason for falling is that we insist of having control when we can power through our victories. We must remember that it is necessary to fight for humility at all costs. It's not ever us...it's always Him anyway. If it is us, He knows our motives.

Update: my mom is having a hard time. Please pray for her strength, mentally and emotionally, and physically. Chemo takes an enormous toll on your body and mind in every way. I'm not complaining too much though, it could be the miracle drug. I say drug, but my sweet mom is on three, which is unusual and challenging.

As far as my health issues are going- My pain is getting better from my cysts and the other scare, must just have been a scare, because I haven't heard otherwise. 

I'm thankful for my friends and of course, my boyfriend. I really have been blessed these lasts months with a family of people that I never have experienced before. Mostly, I am going through the transition of graduating and many new and exciting things coming my way(we all do). I have faith that the Father will be to me, whatever it is I need during it all(this is a promise to all of us). He knows my heart and He's not going to let me go. His love is everything.  I need to grow in loving Him. Don't let anything make you believe that His grace and love is not sufficient. It is and always will be.