God is always good.

I'm not going to try to play it cool here- God is rocking my world. My mom is really starting to draw close to him. Through all of this physical and emotional pain she is enduring, He sends her love in ways that He knows she'll receive.

I called my mom's hospital room this evening and it was all I could do to not cry. She sounded really different. She told me tubes were in her nose and that her throat was still really hurting from the surgery. Also, she said she wouldn't be able to really talk and that she was uncomfortable. I took that to mean that I should do most of the talking.

She is a trooper and a sweetheart. She wanted to know all about my last couple of days and just wanted me to talk. I'm so thankful for her. I will always remember her words of encouragement that she gave to me today.


Health-wise:
Let me just tell you that God is taking care of things in Houston. I don't know about the long-term physically, but I do know about the long-term spiritually. My mom said that she has come across angels throughout the hospital. I don't mean she is hallucinating, I mean that people, sons and daughters of our living God are pursuing her. She has had people ask to pray over her, as well as, as visitors to come and talk to her about sports (if you know my mom, she is a HUGE sports fan) and bring her cards and gifts.

The short-term physical status of my mom right now is that she fighting really hard aganist this disease and has already made strides faster than most bypass surgery patients(thanks to the prayers!).

Although it is challenging to not be physically there, to be the one to pray over her and give her that comfort, it is so amazing to know that God has sent people to do that with her. He's taking care of it. I have surrendered this to Him daily and He does not take that lightly!

:)

My mom made it through the bypass surgery(they removed her gallbladder and reconstructed the flow of her organs, that's about as scientific as I feel like getting right now) and is on her way to recovery. Hopefully, she will heal quickly and be able to start chemo as fast as possible! Thank you for the prayers! Praise God the surgery went well.

I'll walk with grace my feet and faith my eyes

"And how I'm all wrapped up in my mother's face

With a touch of my father just up around the eyes"

My mom is in surgery right now and I haven't heard anything. I feel calm, but God grants me that peace. There's no way that could be any of us at a time like this. My mom has been my best friend and I can't imagine not hearing her sweet voice whenever I want.

I am praying for decisiveness. I am thinking about what I can handle this Fall and what I cannot. I know my reserves are low, because of going through an intense amount in a short while, but I also know Jesus understands that more than I ever will. Either way, wherever I am in the Fall, it's not going to be easy and I'll probably want to run at times and that's ok. 

I miss her today. I wish I could be there, but she wouldn't be able to talk to me anyway. I pray that she can feel the love of us all and mostly, Christ's unfailing compassion and strength. 

it hurts real bad.

The ERCP failed. She will be emitted for bypass surgery tomorrow. Major setback. I NEED you all, a whole lot. please please please pray.

And the doctor let it all out

Yesterday's doctor visit at MD Anderson was unexpected. It's funny how you think you can know what's going on with cancer, because that's just ridiculous. The disease is continually surprising.

Apparently, the doctor was wrong at Emory, and my mom's cancer has spread to other parts of her body. Terrible news.

She has severe digestive problems and the tumor is a lot bigger than I thought. She has surgery on Monday to try to unblock her bile duct, and if it fails again, she will be on a feeding tube and then the doctor will proceed to bypass surgery, which is a much more serious surgery. We're talking a 8-10 day recovery and then a couple of months before my mom can start chemo.

Chemo needs to be started ASAP.  If the surgery on Monday is successful, then my mom has about a 2-4 week time table of recovery until Chemo, so we decided to at least try this.

Her chance of the major surgery(Wipple), several months down the road is about 40%. She has about a 50% of living. If the cancer decides to take over, then she'll die within the next year. This is big stuff. A lot of hope though- 50% is pretty high if you ask me. 

The main prayer is that my mom can get her nutrition to normal, she is at the poor level right now and there is no way she can beat this unless it goes up. Her nutrition alone can be what kills her. Her body is telling her not to eat. Pray for my mom to know that it's a mind over body disease. Pray for supernatural strength and optimism. Courage. Pray for life! 

You would think everyone has cancer.

Well, the last few days have not been easy. I'm sure you aren't surprised.

Yesterday was one of the most difficult days that I have had to endure. We got up at 6am and weren't done with the hospital until 10pm. We had one meal the entire day and if you know me at all, or anyone in my family, that is not a positive thing!

I remained really patient, but I really struggled with the hectic schedule. We met with a dozen people yesterday, commanding us to do things. My mom is sickly, so I can't believe she had such a demanding day, but I am sure they do that on purpose here, because most people come from out of town.

I don't have any news, regarding my mom's condition. We just know a few things and the urgency of her health. I feel confident that MD Anderson wants to do their absolute best to help her. Their technology and specialists are beyond talented. I wonder how human beings can be as intelligent as these people!

On the downside, I really struggled yesterday with seeing thousands of cancer patients. You would not believe some of the things I had to see! Man, I would love it if none of us ever entered the doors of a cancer center again. It literally feels like everyone has cancer. It's unreal.

I saw so many deformities. I don't think words can describe how scary a place like this is. It feels like you are in a movie, almost like I Am Legend, except that people are dying instead of turning into monsters.

I just pray that my mom, my family, and friends can go through this with almost a sense of safety from all the darkness. I get asked so many questions about God and why he allows this. Here's what I know to be true: God would only allow this to save even more lives. He has a kingdom and he wants us to be a part of it. Do not forget that God is good, and we may not have answers to certain questions, but his promises remain. He is the reason that I am here.

Much Love.

Houston: the people really are nicer here.

I woke up at 4:45 am(Auburn) time and am waiting for check-in at our hotel in Houston. We are safely here!

We meet with the doctors here starting tomorrow and for the remainder of the week, for a second opinion and then we will begin treatment.

I'm in the hotel's Business Center, so I must go, but I just had to share with all my prayer warriors! I love each of you so much.

whew, a taste of patience.

Well, today went interestingly to say the least. As my brother asked my mom, "Did you ever imagine a day like this in your life?" And she replied, "Only in a nightmare."
On that note...
First, we met with Dr. Kooby, who I loved, but who gave us some pretty tough news: my mom's tumor has wrapped itself around a major vein, and possibly her artery. She is inoperable in her current condition. He believes that the cancer will continue to spread, even if he operated today and he does not want to put my mom's body through the surgery, that is extremely dangerous and harsh to her body, until he is sure it might be solution. So, he thinks she needs to go ahead and have surgery to drain her bile and start chemo and radiation for next few months and then see where she is.
The negative news of all of this is that chemo is not always a miracle drug, in fact it only has a 15% of shrinking her tumor. However, the positive news is that if it does work, it will keep her cancer stable.
Also, she had an MRI today, which will tell us how much cancer has spread and to where. I guess we'll get those results tomorrow. Please pray that the results aren't as devastating as today's were. And, when I use the term, devastating, I mean it, it came from the doctor's mouth. This is a very dark diagnosis and if you do the research, many would lose hope. I know you all are with me and that we will not!

Ok, so if all that was not enough to take in, and trust me, I'm leaving out 99%, a hurricane is headed to the coast of Texas, which of course, is where our flight is headed tomorrow. Please pray that Tropical Storm, Dolly, dies off as much as possible, so that my mom, brother, Ginny, Mrs. Savino and I all safely arrive. We have made flight adjustments to better our chance of safety and just took the monetary loss. Time is crucial right now!

Next, on our agenda is that we are interviewing another doctor at MD Anderson and we will make a choice from there. We are pretty sure the doctor there will suggest the same timeline.

Gosh, everything is complicated and I could go on forever. It's been a nonstop couple of days and will continue to be throughout the next week/weeks/months.

Please pray for us all to be patient and loving. Most importantly, to believe in a living, powerful God that wants to heal!!!

My brother said to me today, "Man, I just don't know what God is doing here."

I really didn't have any words to say. I just smiled. I know He is near.

God gets me

Well, this weekend has been a lot of bringing all the information we have together. We still don't know anything new. I could tell you that my mom has a low density mass, which is not a good thing. And that we have a long road ahead of us...

Unless of course, you believe in miracles. I do.

So, God really knows my heart. I don't know if you knew. I just have to share this:

Tonight I was walking into my mom's closet to get her suitcase out. I always kinda look around hoping to see something of my dad's in there(they used to share the closet). Well, I did and it rocked my world. I looked up at the top shelf, that used to be "his area of the closet" and found some baseball hats, secretly hoping I would find one that I could wear sometime. I like that sort of thing. OK, so what do I find? I find a Houston Astros' hat!!! Here I am about to leave for Houston and my dad is saying, "what up from heaven? I'm here." God is so simple and knows me so intimately. It's amazing.

If you don't get the significance, here it is: my dad passed away four and half years ago and I am going to Houston on Tuesday to battle my mom's cancer with her. My dad never lived in Houston, and pretty sure he never visited it either. He just had a random-A Houston hat. So, as you've probably gathered my now, I'm bringing it with me.

alright alright alright

I'm home with my family in Alpharetta tonight preparing for Monday's appointments in Atlanta at Emory. Then, we head to Houston for MD Anderson's( SHE GOT IN!!!! Answered prayer- Praise God) visit. We have to doctors we are interested in.

The BIGGEST prayer need right now: That my mom will be operable! Her surgery is in the top riskiest procedures, but if she can have it, she may be on her way to recovery!!!

Lots to share, but need to be with her...

Thank you, prayer warriors!

The body of Christ

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, Praise His Holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and for not all His benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion!"

Psalm 103

I just want you all to know that every little thing you are doing has given me hope that I am not alone! Whether it's a text message, a phone call, some fb action, an e-mail, sleepovers, lunch or cards. You bless my life! THAT is the love of Christ.

With all of that being said: today is a really emotional day for me. Please pray that I do not base my struggles on feelings, but on truth of what God has for my family and His unique love for us.

Sorry yall- i didn't realize i had my comments blocked for registered users only! fixed it! :)

Amazed.

This week has been one that I will never forget. I have been knocked down, raised up, and in between.

God is here. I want all of you to know in a very real way that I know God is not going to leave nor forsake me.

I want you all to know that He has provided me with many angels in my friends and family. I know that you all are fighting with us! Praise the Father for not allowing loneliness to penetrate my heart, but that love and endurance is the song on my lips.

OK, update:

We're talking that my mom(Linda), is battling an aggressive cancer. It wants to take her life and the word of God says that He gives life, so I know God has great plans. I know that God is real. I also, know that he is speaking to my friends and family in extreme ways. 

An example of His overflowing grace on my life was last night. I was in a community of about 12 women that believe in the power of Christ. They have seen God perform miracles. They expect God do something in all his glory. One woman in the group, said to me that God was very clear to her on this: He wants me to look at this as a gateway, not a wall. There is a path to an abundance of his love for my mom and our family. Praise him for that truth.

I could tell so many stories and I can't wait to share what He's doing. I really should be writing it down everyday, but as imagined, I am absolutely exhausted emotionally. 

My mom has been back and forth to the hospital for more options/opinions, but we really don't know too much right now. We know that it is more cancer than we thought and that it's an extremely deadly cancer. She is meeting with a doctor in Atlanta on Monday and then we fly to Houston on Tuesday. Pray that we know which doctor is to operate(also, operate is a positive word: we really don't know if that's an option- we are hoping) on my mom and that this happens IMMEDIATELY. ...That God would show us in a crystal clear, gut-wrenching way, which doctor is to handle this procedure.

I love you all. a whole flippin lot.

Procedure #1

Today's procedure was not a success and more cancer was found. Along with some loss of hope. I CANNOT let this bring us down! I believe that God can heal us all: we must expect this.

Tomorrow we are praying that immediately she will be able to be miraculously squeezed in for surgery to drain her fluids from her body. If not drained SOON, they will burst and her body will become septic.

Also, she is meeting with a doctor to start chemo and/or radiation.

We are still waiting to hear from MD Anderson Houston for surgery, if that's still an option.

Prayer Request for Today

We just received news that my mom is going through her first procedure today at 4:30.

Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography:

ERCP is used primarily to diagnose and treat conditions of the bile ducts, including gallstones, inflammatory strictures (scars), leaks (from trauma and surgery), and cancer.

The doctor is going to try to clear up my mom's blockage from the cancer, so that fluids will be released. If the procedure goes perfectly, then a lot of pain will be relieved and they will better diagnose her cancer. However, because of the location and the back-up of bile, there is a high possibility that they will not be able to even get to her mass.

Please pray this is not true!!! Please pray that this procedure will go better than even imagined.

Also, that she is accepted into Houston's MD Anderson's Hospital in Houston- they perform the most sugeries of her kind.

Love yall.

So, I was gonna give up this blog thing

I want my friends to know how my mom is and how to pray, so I will keep on doing this for awhile:

This Friday I found out that my mom has pancreatic cancer. I was shocked- Still am. I don't know some of you that well, but some of you have become my very closest friends and hope that becomes true for all of you.The location of the malignant mass is blocking function to my mom's other organs, causing backing up of bile. Jaundice occured, causing her to be alarmed, because that was one of the first signs that my grandmother, who passed away of pancreatic cancer had. Jaundice, causes yellowing of the eyes and skin. Specifically, she hasn't been eating hardly at all or sleeping. She is in pain and is exremely fatigued. We won't know anything about the procedures or dates of operation and medication until we hear back from the hospitals that offer the best surgery options. Please pray that she is blessed with an opening for immediate operation, and the operation runs smoothly( it is an 8-15 hour procedures and about a two week recovery) and that after the surgery, the cancer will have been defeated. I really don't know what else to say. If you've read this far- thank you. I love you all very much.

PLEASE keep her in your prayers, our family and friends.

"I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special"

I've been learning a lot about the gifts that God has gracefully given me over my life. Growing up with two parents, actually knowing them, and for the most part, they had great health. Praise God. Then, I also was blessed with an exceptional brother who opened my eyes to many things.

I've been in wonderful relationships. I have been extremely loved and I learned to love deeply. Authentically loved. Last night, Bethany was telling me that she got joy from doing things for her boyfriend because she authentically loved him and then asked the question, when we do things for other people, do we authentically love them or feel like it's what we should do? I could completely relate to serving someone you love and how much joy it brings. I just love it. Then, I thought, what if I authentically loved Christ; what would I do for him?

The only way I know how to answer to that question is to really know who you are and accept yourself, in how He made you...use your gifts that he has given. Remember the way that Jesus thinks of you and loves you and nothing can compare.

One of the older woman told me us that we have to create and know who we want to be and the expectations cannot be unrealistic. I love that. Sometimes, I want to be a hippie, or a punk rocker, but that doesn't mean I will be or that that's the best thing I could be. I am me. 

I know so much has happened in the last 24 hours of my life that has changed me forever and it's exciting and scary and wonderful all in one.

This blog is all over the place: welcome to my brain right now. 

What I meant to talk about was this: my dad was a very unique person and I thank God almost everyday that I knew him at all. I don't curse the Lord for taking him away. I am not bitter. Do I miss my dad? Of course. But I had him in my life and for that I praise God every chance I get. And that is how I know healing is taking place.

I forgot about this, but my mom reminded me that when I was eight, I had growth plates in my legs that were keeping me from walking. One morning I couldn't get out of bed. My parents were extremely concerned and upset. They thought that it could be life-threatening because when I was younger, I didn't complain much. My mom talked to my dad who was worried too.

My mom was telling me on the phone today, " you were just so sweet. I asked your dad what if something is really wrong with you?"

and he said, "well, then I am glad we had her for these eight years than to have not had her at all".

Some people never get to experience the birth of a child.

Some people never get to experience their parents.

Or a joyful relationship.

Among many many other things, but we all are ridiculously blessed in our own way. We must remember that God gives and he takes away, but our hearts will choose to say blessed be his name.

"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,

And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me."

-Robert Frost, "Cluster of Faith"

Punk Rocker with flowers in my hair...

"Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
When the head of state didn’t play guitar, Not everybody drove a car, When music really mattered and radio was king, When accountants didn’t have control And the media couldn’t buy your soul And computers were still scary and we didn’t know everything
When popstars still remained a myth And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Save the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
When my mom and dad were in their teens and anarchy was still a dream and the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail
When record shops were still on top and vinyl was all that they stocked and the super info highway was still drifting out in space kids were wearing hand me downs, and playing games meant kick arounds and footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair"
-Sandi Thom

I LOVE this song. The only thing I think may be wrong is that we are still in a world that cares. That's my hope anyway.