It's a lot, right?

Since my mom has begun chemo, we have had no results on her progress. She is flying out to MD Anderson this week for tests and results. Please pray that the chemotherapy has and continues to perform miracles!!!! We are hoping that the chemo shrinks and limits her cancer enough, so that she can have the only procedure that has the potential to cure her.

Talking to her today blessed my life in immeasurable ways! She is incredible. I really can't imagine life without her. A part of me does not want the answers, so it's a good thing I don't have them!

"Call on me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know"

-Jeremiah 33:3

On my side of things, medically, emotionally and physically, I am still at my limit. I just want to be accepted where I am, but doesn't everyone? I have really been learning and growing a lot in every aspect of my life. It's frustrating at times because I feel like my faith could be pursued more, because we can all give more and more to the man upstairs.  I begin to think in that way and I tend realize it's because of guilt and shame, not conviction. Conviction is sweet. It is clear and rewarding. Don't get me wrong, I have lots I could repent about and mistakes that have been made. Thank God for grace and for the Truth I have gained through my mistakes. Jesus died so that all of these loads can be lifted off my heavy heart. It's time to start believing that.

I have faith in a God that delivers. 

I also have fears. I question how much I am really giving to the Father when I fear the uncertainty of my future. He has really taught me to just let it go and then actually really let it go. GIVE IT TO HIM. How can he deliver, when I have a grip on it all so tightly? Yes, He promises, but what is it that we are asking Him to promise? Are we even asking?

Health update: My test results have come back indicating further medical procedures. It'd be amazing if you all could say a little something something for me too. I'd like to think it's all a fluke at the doc's office. 

Oh and one of my best friends had a ct scan because all of her blood work is off, so her too. We could all use a little more prayer.

Medical issues

I'm having some medical issues again. All related to the tests that have been done and getting results....which leads to more testing. 

Two become one.

Relationships are such a blessing and they should be sacred. They should be honored. Privacy should be honored and above all, love should be honored. It seems like an easy concept, but it's easy to get wrapped up in sharing what is meant to be between two, so that they can become one, not so they  become ten, twenty or a hundred.

Hallelujah!

My mom is getting her chemo treatment right now and has gained three pounds! This may not seem like much, but every single ounce matters during this process!

PAIN!!!!

Well, I have been to the emergency room and now, I am waiting for another doctor's appointment. 

I have ovarian cysts(common, but they can cause serious health issues, depending on many things) that are causing the major pain and I'll know more tomorrow, to see if I have to have surgery.

Please pray that the pain LEAVES!!!

And of course, for Mommie.

much love.

Give me a break.

These past months of my life seem completely cruel at times- like right now.

I'm trying to graduate and some of my professors are just heartless. I have told them about my situation, and still, no easing up. It's not like I am missing assignments or tests. 

I know I chose to finish up school with all that's going on and I know it was good decision.

Today I've had a lot hit me. I have been sick for about a month, but these last two weeks have been hellish. I have stomach pain hitting me hard! I've been to the doctor three times and have at least three more visits before they can tell me exactly what is going on. The doctor gave me three possible options: I have a mass/cyst, fibroid tumor on my uterus, or I have a disease called interstitial cystitis. 

I think I'm just severely annoyed. I have two tests and two papers this week and I'm supposed to have perfect attendance.

I am not done venting, but I think I'm going to stop there. My pain is so intense in my stomach and back! Please pray(I feel out of fuel)...I guess that goes without asking. Thankful for all of you. LOVE YOU!

This pretty much sums it up...

"The bigger the dream, The rougher the ride

The truer the love, The deeper the ache

The blinder the faith, The tougher the go

The higher the reach, The further the sky

The more miles you walk, The longer the road

The steeper you climb, The harder you stand to fall

The stronger you get, The heavier the load"

-Gabe Dixon

I don't know what I'd do without music. It hits me hard. At times,  I feel like no one understands anything I feel or I really don't understand how I am feeling and then I listen to a song and it changes everything. I'm no longer alone.