The peace is that Mom is home in Heaven away from this evil cancer and maybe she can still watch over my brother and me. I guess we won't know that until the day He takes us home. However, Linda's Hope is what I believe we can carry out. I believe my mom would want to see everyone away from cancer, especially this one, as it has taken her mom's life and her own way from her children.
Often, I call out to Mom. Every time I actually do this, I begin to uncontrollably sob. I wonder if the whole apartment complex can hear me. It's the kind of plea for help that is so loud that it can sound like a laughter. The inhales and exhales of short breaths.
Do not think that I have lost my faith or trust in the Lord. I believe if it wasn't for His sweet Holy Spirit, I would have in some way self-destructed. He has saved me.
I have heard and been advised that there is no amount of time that can grant a grief-free life. Actually, it's quite the opposite. Frequently, I see adults tear up as they remember their loved ones that have died. It doesn't leave us and it doesn't define our entire being, but it does change us, making the experience a part of who we are.
There will never be another person like my mom or dad in my life. That is my reality, and others reality that have lost a parent to this disease. Grandparents. Or husbands and wives. Or brother and sisters. Maybe even, children.
The hope is that there are people, like you and me. We have a choice to BE with those in need, HELP those in need, CRY with those in need. We have to hope that there will be an end to this tragedy of hopelessness of those who get diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.
I know I am need and I want to make sure I find others who need a heart that is vulnerable enough to sit with them through it all.
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