The body of Christ

"Praise the Lord, O my soul; all my inmost being, Praise His Holy name. Praise the Lord, O my soul, and for not all His benefits- who forgives all your sins and heals all your diseases, who redeems your life from the pit and crowns you with love and compassion!"

Psalm 103

I just want you all to know that every little thing you are doing has given me hope that I am not alone! Whether it's a text message, a phone call, some fb action, an e-mail, sleepovers, lunch or cards. You bless my life! THAT is the love of Christ.

With all of that being said: today is a really emotional day for me. Please pray that I do not base my struggles on feelings, but on truth of what God has for my family and His unique love for us.

Sorry yall- i didn't realize i had my comments blocked for registered users only! fixed it! :)

Amazed.

This week has been one that I will never forget. I have been knocked down, raised up, and in between.

God is here. I want all of you to know in a very real way that I know God is not going to leave nor forsake me.

I want you all to know that He has provided me with many angels in my friends and family. I know that you all are fighting with us! Praise the Father for not allowing loneliness to penetrate my heart, but that love and endurance is the song on my lips.

OK, update:

We're talking that my mom(Linda), is battling an aggressive cancer. It wants to take her life and the word of God says that He gives life, so I know God has great plans. I know that God is real. I also, know that he is speaking to my friends and family in extreme ways. 

An example of His overflowing grace on my life was last night. I was in a community of about 12 women that believe in the power of Christ. They have seen God perform miracles. They expect God do something in all his glory. One woman in the group, said to me that God was very clear to her on this: He wants me to look at this as a gateway, not a wall. There is a path to an abundance of his love for my mom and our family. Praise him for that truth.

I could tell so many stories and I can't wait to share what He's doing. I really should be writing it down everyday, but as imagined, I am absolutely exhausted emotionally. 

My mom has been back and forth to the hospital for more options/opinions, but we really don't know too much right now. We know that it is more cancer than we thought and that it's an extremely deadly cancer. She is meeting with a doctor in Atlanta on Monday and then we fly to Houston on Tuesday. Pray that we know which doctor is to operate(also, operate is a positive word: we really don't know if that's an option- we are hoping) on my mom and that this happens IMMEDIATELY. ...That God would show us in a crystal clear, gut-wrenching way, which doctor is to handle this procedure.

I love you all. a whole flippin lot.

Procedure #1

Today's procedure was not a success and more cancer was found. Along with some loss of hope. I CANNOT let this bring us down! I believe that God can heal us all: we must expect this.

Tomorrow we are praying that immediately she will be able to be miraculously squeezed in for surgery to drain her fluids from her body. If not drained SOON, they will burst and her body will become septic.

Also, she is meeting with a doctor to start chemo and/or radiation.

We are still waiting to hear from MD Anderson Houston for surgery, if that's still an option.

Prayer Request for Today

We just received news that my mom is going through her first procedure today at 4:30.

Endoscopic retrograde cholangiopancreatography:

ERCP is used primarily to diagnose and treat conditions of the bile ducts, including gallstones, inflammatory strictures (scars), leaks (from trauma and surgery), and cancer.

The doctor is going to try to clear up my mom's blockage from the cancer, so that fluids will be released. If the procedure goes perfectly, then a lot of pain will be relieved and they will better diagnose her cancer. However, because of the location and the back-up of bile, there is a high possibility that they will not be able to even get to her mass.

Please pray this is not true!!! Please pray that this procedure will go better than even imagined.

Also, that she is accepted into Houston's MD Anderson's Hospital in Houston- they perform the most sugeries of her kind.

Love yall.

So, I was gonna give up this blog thing

I want my friends to know how my mom is and how to pray, so I will keep on doing this for awhile:

This Friday I found out that my mom has pancreatic cancer. I was shocked- Still am. I don't know some of you that well, but some of you have become my very closest friends and hope that becomes true for all of you.The location of the malignant mass is blocking function to my mom's other organs, causing backing up of bile. Jaundice occured, causing her to be alarmed, because that was one of the first signs that my grandmother, who passed away of pancreatic cancer had. Jaundice, causes yellowing of the eyes and skin. Specifically, she hasn't been eating hardly at all or sleeping. She is in pain and is exremely fatigued. We won't know anything about the procedures or dates of operation and medication until we hear back from the hospitals that offer the best surgery options. Please pray that she is blessed with an opening for immediate operation, and the operation runs smoothly( it is an 8-15 hour procedures and about a two week recovery) and that after the surgery, the cancer will have been defeated. I really don't know what else to say. If you've read this far- thank you. I love you all very much.

PLEASE keep her in your prayers, our family and friends.

"I'd rather have 30 minutes of wonderful than a lifetime of nothing special"

I've been learning a lot about the gifts that God has gracefully given me over my life. Growing up with two parents, actually knowing them, and for the most part, they had great health. Praise God. Then, I also was blessed with an exceptional brother who opened my eyes to many things.

I've been in wonderful relationships. I have been extremely loved and I learned to love deeply. Authentically loved. Last night, Bethany was telling me that she got joy from doing things for her boyfriend because she authentically loved him and then asked the question, when we do things for other people, do we authentically love them or feel like it's what we should do? I could completely relate to serving someone you love and how much joy it brings. I just love it. Then, I thought, what if I authentically loved Christ; what would I do for him?

The only way I know how to answer to that question is to really know who you are and accept yourself, in how He made you...use your gifts that he has given. Remember the way that Jesus thinks of you and loves you and nothing can compare.

One of the older woman told me us that we have to create and know who we want to be and the expectations cannot be unrealistic. I love that. Sometimes, I want to be a hippie, or a punk rocker, but that doesn't mean I will be or that that's the best thing I could be. I am me. 

I know so much has happened in the last 24 hours of my life that has changed me forever and it's exciting and scary and wonderful all in one.

This blog is all over the place: welcome to my brain right now. 

What I meant to talk about was this: my dad was a very unique person and I thank God almost everyday that I knew him at all. I don't curse the Lord for taking him away. I am not bitter. Do I miss my dad? Of course. But I had him in my life and for that I praise God every chance I get. And that is how I know healing is taking place.

I forgot about this, but my mom reminded me that when I was eight, I had growth plates in my legs that were keeping me from walking. One morning I couldn't get out of bed. My parents were extremely concerned and upset. They thought that it could be life-threatening because when I was younger, I didn't complain much. My mom talked to my dad who was worried too.

My mom was telling me on the phone today, " you were just so sweet. I asked your dad what if something is really wrong with you?"

and he said, "well, then I am glad we had her for these eight years than to have not had her at all".

Some people never get to experience the birth of a child.

Some people never get to experience their parents.

Or a joyful relationship.

Among many many other things, but we all are ridiculously blessed in our own way. We must remember that God gives and he takes away, but our hearts will choose to say blessed be his name.

"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,

And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me."

-Robert Frost, "Cluster of Faith"

Punk Rocker with flowers in my hair...

"Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
In 77 and 69 revolution was in the air
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair
When the head of state didn’t play guitar, Not everybody drove a car, When music really mattered and radio was king, When accountants didn’t have control And the media couldn’t buy your soul And computers were still scary and we didn’t know everything
When popstars still remained a myth And ignorance could still be bliss
And when God Save the Queen she turned a whiter shade of pale
When my mom and dad were in their teens and anarchy was still a dream and the only way to stay in touch was a letter in the mail
When record shops were still on top and vinyl was all that they stocked and the super info highway was still drifting out in space kids were wearing hand me downs, and playing games meant kick arounds and footballers still had long hair and dirt across their face
I was born too late to a world that doesn’t care
Oh I wish I was a punk rocker with flowers in my hair"
-Sandi Thom

I LOVE this song. The only thing I think may be wrong is that we are still in a world that cares. That's my hope anyway.