super duper fast update

Mom has taken a turn for the worse! She has only eaten an apple sauce in two and a half days after throwing up for hours on Friday. She is barely drinking enough to keep going. She is beginning to be stubborn and has not let us take her to the hospital.

She is as little as it gets. Please pray for strength and hope. Also, please pray for her pain to leave her and that she will somehow become hydrated. We are all very concerned.

There's much more...but just needed prayers asap!!!!

LOVE!!!!

Awakening

Dress down your pretty faith. Give me something real.

Leave out the thee and thou and speak to me now.

Speak to my pain and confusion.

Speak through my fears and my pride.

Speak to the part of me that knows I'm something deep down inside.

I know that I am not perfect, but compare me to most,

in a world of hurt and a world of anger I think I'm holding my own.

And I know you said there is more to life.

And I know I am not satisfied.

But there are mornings I wake up and I'm just thankful to be alive.

I've known now, for quite awhile, that I am not whole.

I've remembered the body and the mind,

But dissected my soul.

Now something inside is awakening,

Like a dream I once had and forgot.

And it's something I'm scared of

And something I don't want to stop.

And I woke up this morning and realized that Jesus is not a portrait,

Where stained glass windows or hymns or the tradition that surrounds us.

And I thought it would be hard to believe in

But it's not hard at all.

To believe I've sinned and fallen short of the Glory of God.

And He's not asking me to change in my joy for martyrdom

He's asking to take my place.

To stand in the gap that I have formed

With His real, and His sweet, and His real amazing grace.

And it's not just a sign or a sacrament.

It's not just a metaphor for love.

The blood is real and it's not just a symbol of your faith.

So leave out the thee and thou and speak now.

-Sara Groves

You can fall at any level

"I will be to you whatever you need to accomplish My will"

I have been reading The Final Quest- thanks Bethany for sharing that with months and months ago! It's really interesting. It's about a spiritual battle: actual war between good and evil. The metaphors that the author uses amaze me. 

Particularly, I think it's important to learn, "when you think you are the least vulnerable to falling is in fact when you are the most vulnerable. Most men fall immediately after a great victory".

I think the main reason for falling is that we insist of having control when we can power through our victories. We must remember that it is necessary to fight for humility at all costs. It's not ever us...it's always Him anyway. If it is us, He knows our motives.

Update: my mom is having a hard time. Please pray for her strength, mentally and emotionally, and physically. Chemo takes an enormous toll on your body and mind in every way. I'm not complaining too much though, it could be the miracle drug. I say drug, but my sweet mom is on three, which is unusual and challenging.

As far as my health issues are going- My pain is getting better from my cysts and the other scare, must just have been a scare, because I haven't heard otherwise. 

I'm thankful for my friends and of course, my boyfriend. I really have been blessed these lasts months with a family of people that I never have experienced before. Mostly, I am going through the transition of graduating and many new and exciting things coming my way(we all do). I have faith that the Father will be to me, whatever it is I need during it all(this is a promise to all of us). He knows my heart and He's not going to let me go. His love is everything.  I need to grow in loving Him. Don't let anything make you believe that His grace and love is not sufficient. It is and always will be.

Home Sweet Home

"My grace is suffient for you, for My strength is made perfect in weakness."

-2 Corinthians 12:9

I have spent this weekend with my mom in Alpharetta. It is gorgeous here! The Fall leaves, trees, the weather... it is healing and comforting. I know God is near. I'm always thankful to have days where there is no way you could exist without knowing the beauty and power of the Lord. It's overwhelming.

My mom is a little grumpy today. I can tell she is sick of taking all the medications and the limitations that they put on her body. She hasn't felt well the last few days and is disappointed that I have to see her on her "off" days. BUT-I can see Christ working through her and it amazes me. She is dedicated to seeking hope and comfort, but she has years of anxiety to defeat.

We both have been sick this week, so it's not the way we would like to picture our time together, but that's what hope is for. I wish I could do more for her. 

I have my medical exam on Thursday and I'm starting to panic about it. It's not an easy procedure to endure. I wish this week would come and go, and I hate wishing time away. I have tons and tons to do before graduation, but I'm trying my best to keep up with it all. It really is a battle to be going through health issues myself, during the most trying times. I wish I could go somewhere completely  new and exciting....meet and serve people. That is where my heart needs to be. For now, I'll just keep on doing what I can. I feel like I am trapped in this holding period and I'm ready to move forward! I guess that means I want to escape, which is impossible because my circumstances are the same no matter where I go. I need to open my eyes to where I am now and later, I will see what our sovereign God has been planning for my life. I know there is more than this.

"Great peace have those who love Your law. And nothing causes them to stumble."

-Psalm 119:165

Results

My mom's check-up results: They could have been worse and they could have been better, but I will take them!

My mom's tumor has remained the same size, which is good that it has not grown, but it needs to shrink, in order for the surgery to take place. Also, the spot on her liver and abdomen wall seems to have left. YAY! She may have a spot on her ovary, or it could be a cyst. 

She will have another check-up in January to see the results from the continuing chemo treatments, as well as, they have added a new drug to the mix. Please keep praying! We have to have hope!

Thank you all for the prayers. I know that they helped get rid of those spots! 

Love.

It's a lot, right?

Since my mom has begun chemo, we have had no results on her progress. She is flying out to MD Anderson this week for tests and results. Please pray that the chemotherapy has and continues to perform miracles!!!! We are hoping that the chemo shrinks and limits her cancer enough, so that she can have the only procedure that has the potential to cure her.

Talking to her today blessed my life in immeasurable ways! She is incredible. I really can't imagine life without her. A part of me does not want the answers, so it's a good thing I don't have them!

"Call on me and I will answer you and tell you great and unsearchable things you do not know"

-Jeremiah 33:3

On my side of things, medically, emotionally and physically, I am still at my limit. I just want to be accepted where I am, but doesn't everyone? I have really been learning and growing a lot in every aspect of my life. It's frustrating at times because I feel like my faith could be pursued more, because we can all give more and more to the man upstairs.  I begin to think in that way and I tend realize it's because of guilt and shame, not conviction. Conviction is sweet. It is clear and rewarding. Don't get me wrong, I have lots I could repent about and mistakes that have been made. Thank God for grace and for the Truth I have gained through my mistakes. Jesus died so that all of these loads can be lifted off my heavy heart. It's time to start believing that.

I have faith in a God that delivers. 

I also have fears. I question how much I am really giving to the Father when I fear the uncertainty of my future. He has really taught me to just let it go and then actually really let it go. GIVE IT TO HIM. How can he deliver, when I have a grip on it all so tightly? Yes, He promises, but what is it that we are asking Him to promise? Are we even asking?

Health update: My test results have come back indicating further medical procedures. It'd be amazing if you all could say a little something something for me too. I'd like to think it's all a fluke at the doc's office. 

Oh and one of my best friends had a ct scan because all of her blood work is off, so her too. We could all use a little more prayer.

Medical issues

I'm having some medical issues again. All related to the tests that have been done and getting results....which leads to more testing.