I've been in wonderful relationships. I have been extremely loved and I learned to love deeply. Authentically loved. Last night, Bethany was telling me that she got joy from doing things for her boyfriend because she authentically loved him and then asked the question, when we do things for other people, do we authentically love them or feel like it's what we should do? I could completely relate to serving someone you love and how much joy it brings. I just love it. Then, I thought, what if I authentically loved Christ; what would I do for him?
The only way I know how to answer to that question is to really know who you are and accept yourself, in how He made you...use your gifts that he has given. Remember the way that Jesus thinks of you and loves you and nothing can compare.
One of the older woman told me us that we have to create and know who we want to be and the expectations cannot be unrealistic. I love that. Sometimes, I want to be a hippie, or a punk rocker, but that doesn't mean I will be or that that's the best thing I could be. I am me.
I know so much has happened in the last 24 hours of my life that has changed me forever and it's exciting and scary and wonderful all in one.
This blog is all over the place: welcome to my brain right now.
What I meant to talk about was this: my dad was a very unique person and I thank God almost everyday that I knew him at all. I don't curse the Lord for taking him away. I am not bitter. Do I miss my dad? Of course. But I had him in my life and for that I praise God every chance I get. And that is how I know healing is taking place.
I forgot about this, but my mom reminded me that when I was eight, I had growth plates in my legs that were keeping me from walking. One morning I couldn't get out of bed. My parents were extremely concerned and upset. They thought that it could be life-threatening because when I was younger, I didn't complain much. My mom talked to my dad who was worried too.
My mom was telling me on the phone today, " you were just so sweet. I asked your dad what if something is really wrong with you?"
and he said, "well, then I am glad we had her for these eight years than to have not had her at all".
Some people never get to experience the birth of a child.
Some people never get to experience their parents.
Or a joyful relationship.
Among many many other things, but we all are ridiculously blessed in our own way. We must remember that God gives and he takes away, but our hearts will choose to say blessed be his name.
"Forgive, O Lord, my little jokes on Thee,
And I'll forgive Thy great big one on me."
-Robert Frost, "Cluster of Faith"
2 comments:
I love what you said about how your (everyone's) life has changed so much just in the past 24 hours and how it's both exciting and scary. It's cool b/c we don't see change in the moment---it's usually down the road a little ways and that change is usually pieced together and shaped by small, incremental moments in time when we're actually unaware of what's really happening--the Lord shaping us day by day into the person He wants us to be.
Also, I too can relate to the part about authentically loving and serving Christ. I'm learning alot about that in the book of Job and I hope to post something about that soon.
Keep it up!
I'm being re-birthed and God has something absolutely different for me in store.
Post a Comment