Constant Chaos

I am in Alpharetta with my mom and it's good to see her. It feels like it's been a long time.

My mom failed to mention to me that during her bypass surgery that the doctor has found cancer on her liver and in on her abdomen wall. It has officially metathesized(She's a stage 4).

I just found out today from one of my mom's friends and there are a lot of things my mom is avoiding: test results, telling me what the doctors say, how much pain she is in, etc. I don't blame her. No matter which way you look at it, she is right smack in the middle of a battle, in every possible way. I never knew how much loved ones go through when someone in their family has cancer. Everyone's life goes on this hold...we have to be there. Every person involved in my mom's life directly right now is being thrown around in every direction. We truly love her and I pray she feels and knows how we are surrendering this burden to the Lord and not seeking our own interests. I don't know if that makes sense, but it just causes a continuous ache to see such suffering, but we aren't the ones with the disease. We are carrying the burden, to make the load lighter for her, not only because we are called to do this, but because we feel Christ in us, carrying us along. Praise Him for his love inside of us.

Also, my little baby puppy Charlie needs a new home. I will miss him dearly, but I know I am not capable of taking care of him right now.

It's hard to believe how fast life changes and the new decisions that follow. The only thing that is solid is the rock God has placed my feet on. He will hold me up. 

I am handling it the best way that I know how and many new doors are opening. 

Please know that if I could be 100% who I want to be, I would be. The only person I can be is the one that Christ is transforming and it may not always look healthy or pretty, but if it did, then you better believe that it isn't real.

I have my good days and I have my terrible ones. I'm only human. I know I will let you all down, or let myself down, or you will let me down, but that is why I have declared that Jesus Christ is my Savior and no one else.

"You broaden the path beneath me, so that my ankles do not turn." -Psalm 18:36