So, a couple of cool things. First, last night I just started writing and it felt so good! It wasn't just because it was a way of therapy. I was motivated and alive- I felt like myself. I felt like I was back in the arms of our Creator...finally. It was my first spark in awhile that I felt the joy of being connected and in a relationship with Him. I always focus on what I know to be true about the Lord from past experiences, but I have been longing for his presence in a relational sense.
Lately, I feel everything too much in facing the doctor's sentence of mom's time left with us. It is a glimpse of the reality I faced with my dad's death (and still do) and because of those intense feelings, I often don't feel much other than the emotions of fear that come from the aftermath of tragedy.
It is a blessed moment to have time when you feel completely content in your own skin, even if it is just for a matter of minutes. Those minutes are enough to remind you how wonderful He is. What I mean is that in that brief moment of clarity, I was able to know God has this life of mine. He has a grip way stronger than I do and I know that at the end of it all there is a better place. There is a better life for me here and there is better world in His Kingdom. Most importantly, there is certainly a better life awaiting mom! I must remember to focus my eyes upward.
Secondly, I have been reading two books: The Last Lecture and My Utmost for His Highest(YAY Shelley). Praise God for the way I have been able to actually pick up a book and read! That time doesn't come to be often. Anyway, The Last Lecture has blessed mom and me in incredible ways and I think there is not a person who could read the book and not have their eyes opened to hope!
My Utmost for His Highest's subject was: "The Inspiration of Spiritual Initiative". God speaks to us, inspires us, we hear and then we take initiative.
He can't make us do a thing. We have to reach out our hand.
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