Today, I am going through grief packets and they are definitely helpful. However, at the same time I am so disgusted with cancer that I am angry. Really really discouraged about ever finding a cure and then, cancer seems to be more and more common. So what does that mean about our future? I hate to be so pessimistic, but the reality of my situation right now is that cancer surrounds me. It will not go away!

I just visited pancan.org and I am just being honest- I don't have much hope for this cancer. How could I? Mom is dead. Grandma is dead. Every story I have heard is not a hopeful story about the actual disease.

All of these emotions are normal responses to losing someone so close to me. I just wish there was a way to shout how hurt I am! It's such a needy time and although I know God has equipped me and He is my rock- it is not always going to feel like that.

This post is a bunch of rambling, but I wanted you all to know what's going through my mind. I know some of you wonder if I am putting on a smile and I just want you to know that in a safe environment, I am being vulnerable with those who support me.

The main pain I am feeling is that this world is not my home and I want to go home.