That I Would Be Good

"That I Would Be Good"

that I would be good even if I did nothing

that I would be good even if I got the thumbs down

that I would be good if I got and stayed sick

that I would be good even if I gained ten pounds

that I would be fine even if I went bankrupt

that I would be good if I lost my hair and my youth

that I would be great if I was no longer queen

that I would be grand if I was not all knowing

that I would be loved even when I numb myself

that I would be good even when I am overwhelmed

that I would be loved even when I was fuming

that I would be good even if I was clingy

that I would be good even if I lost sanity

that I would be good

whether with or without you

Have a little Faith

That's the book I'm beginning to read: Have a little faith

Already, Jesus is pulling my heart strings. I am reading about how we become apathetic to our relationship with God and (our desire to pursue following Jesus- the author is Jewish, but I am making a generalization for Christians). If we are in good health, making money, have relationships- then we are not struggling in the world's eyes. But we are not of this world, so let's try to look up more. A lot more. (1 John 2:15-17, 2 Corinthians 10:3).

The author discusses his life going well, so that he didn't need God. How is it that we can believe that we do not need a Savior? Maybe because our lives are so comfortable. They are so comfortable, that we are separated from all the God blesses us with daily. 

I don't want it to take an earthquake in Haiti, or the death of parents, a break-up or cancer. I want it be more than a tragic call on God. I want to call on Him when I don't feel Him the most. 

I am angry at the lack of passion we have for our Father. We barely even mention His name (even amoungst our Christian friends). We would rather ponder and talk about our relationships, jobs, stress, etc. The ironic thing about that is- we have a God who wants us to talk to Him about those things, so that we may grow to know His ways...so that we may help others.

All we can do is pray, that we are transformed. I want to be transformed. I want our faith to be radical. I want to see what Christ will do through and in us. May we begin to include Him in our daily conversation. For real. 

I am free from any condemnation brought against me and I cannot be separated from the love of God.

Romans 8:31-39

Since, then, you have been raised with Christ, set your hearts on things above, where Christ is seated at the right hand of God. Set your minds on things above, not on earthly things. For you died, and your life is now hidden with Christ in God. 4When Christ, who is your life, appears, then you also will appear with him in glory. Colossians 3:1-4

This Time of Year...

I've always heard that statistically December has the highest amount of suicide attempts and deaths. How very sad. The holidays can be a time of joy and a time of relentless sorrow.

I challenge you to reach out to those you come into contact with. I challenge myself to acknowledge that I have no idea what a single person is going through and to treat them like I was madly in love with them.

This week, there have been many tragic deaths in my friends' lives: Murder/suicide, cancer, car accidents, and a fire.

Personally, I am seeing one of the most beautiful people I know go through the loss of her father. After, a long battle with cancer. This death has affected me personally and I feel helpless. I can understand how all of you have felt as I have lost my own parents. I know how deep the pain goes yet, I cannot think of anything that would be enough to show how much pain I feel for my friend. I know God is in control and that I have to believe He will carry us all through.

I beg that you do not take the ones you love for granted and thank God that you are abundantly blessed with people who love you. I am so thankful, even as I miss the best parents in the world (in my eyes, of course).

As I feel for these tragedies this week, I remember that it is these things that make us realize it does not matter how flawed a person is, because we all are. It matters that we love them anyway.

Linda's Hope

When I decided to move to Nashville, I really didn't know why I was so sure it would be a good move. I just knew it was time for this city. Well, God has revealed that He knew I would meet girls that have become like sisters to me. Girls that would inspire me to be who God created me to be.

Throughout the last five or six months, I have been blessed with girls with a heart to love others. With me, they listened to my needs and concerns, but they do this for everyone. These girls have opened my eyes that there is still hope for all of us. I pray that I can be this to them and to others, as well.

I shared my story with them and continued to be vulnerable with my fears and dreams. Well, they dreamt with me and now, Linda's Hope(To learn more about Linda's Hope, check out: Lindashope.org) is in the works. Can you believe that? They care enough about what I have seen through my Mom's battle with pancreatic cancer that they want to see a change for all of those who have been affected.

I know I am only one teeny tiny life and we are limited to how much we can give, but I know we have a passion to help those in need and right now, personally, I know we can help those battling pancreatic cancer.

I am a 24 year-old orphan. It's tough. The grief from losing my parents in heavy on my spirit and some days, it feels like I shouldn't be here either. The pain I feel from day-to-day is unexplainable. It surprises me constantly with new stabs at my heart. I know there are others that are going through severe loss, like I am. There are people all over the world in need.

Linda's Hope is one dream that can become a reality. I don't want anyone go through the battle alone. I don't want families to feel alone. When my mom was sick, we did not have enough help. We had no clue what we were doing...no experience or education. We just survived to our best ability. I don't think anyone could imagine how my family researched day and night, hoping something, anything would make Mom more comfortable or well.

If you have a passion and dedication to become a part of Linda's Hope, please let me know. I pray everyday that there will be others with a desire to dedicate a part of their life to someone else's.

Don't fake it.

“Human beings do not readily admit desperation. When they do, the kingdom of heaven draws near.”

-Philip Yancey

A wave of chaos

Last night I dreamt horrible things about Mom battling Pancreatic Cancer. I have these nightmares every night. They are always different, but sweet Mom is always sick. How disgusting and how unfair!

The peace is that Mom is home in Heaven away from this evil cancer and maybe she can still watch over my brother and me. I guess we won't know that until the day He takes us home. However, Linda's Hope is what I believe we can carry out. I believe my mom would want to see everyone away from cancer, especially this one, as it has taken her mom's life and her own way from her children.

Often, I call out to Mom. Every time I actually do this, I begin to uncontrollably sob. I wonder if the whole apartment complex can hear me. It's the kind of plea for help that is so loud that it can sound like a laughter. The inhales and exhales of short breaths.

Do not think that I have lost my faith or trust in the Lord. I believe if it wasn't for His sweet Holy Spirit, I would have in some way self-destructed. He has saved me.

I have heard and been advised that there is no amount of time that can grant a grief-free life. Actually, it's quite the opposite. Frequently, I see adults tear up as they remember their loved ones that have died. It doesn't leave us and it doesn't define our entire being, but it does change us, making the experience a part of who we are.

There will never be another person like my mom or dad in my life. That is my reality, and others reality that have lost a parent to this disease. Grandparents. Or husbands and wives. Or brother and sisters. Maybe even, children.

The hope is that there are people, like you and me. We have a choice to BE with those in need, HELP those in need, CRY with those in need. We have to hope that there will be an end to this tragedy of hopelessness of those who get diagnosed with Pancreatic Cancer.

I know I am need and I want to make sure I find others who need a heart that is vulnerable enough to sit with them through it all.

Pancreatic Cancer!!!

Hello all! It is really important if you know anyone affected by Pancreatic Cancer in Nashville(patients, survivors, friends, family, etc) to have them contact me. A group of Nashvillians are trying to help those in need and make a change!!!