Clarity

Clarity is one of the most difficult things to gain, and it changes from day to day. Today, I feel like I have some of it, and I just pray that it doesn't go away by tomorrow. I have been in this cloud, floating in it, just living. Sometimes, with all that is going on, it's all I can do to take one day at a time. Thank God for each day. I want to live for Him though, you know? It's not enough to just be thankful,-that's just a start. I don't want to just be here. I don't want my days to be meaningless. I have Christ to share and I wonder how that can slip away like it does. My faith never does, but sometimes I have no discernment and still act, but I need to be patient and as a friend told me, I need dive into blind faith. I need to just do what is true, whether I believe it or not- today or tomorrow. The truth is that I make choices everyday and they won't always be the best decisions, but sometimes I'll know that there is a better decision to be made for the glory of the Lord and the joy He  longs to give little me.

"Well, it brings out flavor

Like You bring out color in life

Unfortunately high

Ironically dissatisfied

I miss you

I had a fleeting thought this morning

And I mentioned You today

It breaks my heart just to know You in part

And not to be with You where You are

Oh, I miss you so

The feel forever

Oh, that taste I know

it hurts to remember"

I think about my mom and what she endures everyday as she opens 20 different bottles of medicines to help her fight cancer. Then, I think about how she doesn't have a husband(I think about this a lot because so many people at my age are fearful of never finding anyone. And to be honest with you, personally, I think I am more fearful of finding someone and losing them.), but she has two children. I hope she knows how much we love her because I don't want to imagine how alone she feels.

 She has her chemo treatment in the morning and I wonder how she sits there for five hours, facing the reality of what is in her body, trying to kill her. She has to be scared. I want to pray as much as possible for her to be guarded from fear. Please pray with me.