Whew. Where to begin? Life truly is an uphill battle for me. I can try my best to enjoy the climb or let the fear of it steal my joy. The past few months has been the probable answer for me, it's been both. I have been robbed of joy, having moments of utter despair and small glimpes of hope and comfort.
I miss Mom so much that my heart cannot handle the pain. It's almost like my body is realizing that the central part, my heart, has given up, but that the rest of my body has found a new way to operate.
When I look at pictures of my beautiful mother, the despair for her love is so great that I have to stop all together. I have to just breathe. Believe it or not, breathing is difficult. Sometimes, I really do have to concentrate on it intently, so that my shock of the loss of my mom on this earth fades into a corner of my brain for a moment.
Please do not worry about my faith. God is gracious. I know that I will be in His arms, until I can be in Mom's again.
"Knowing the Lord and His comfort does not take away the ache; instead, it supports you in the middle of the ache. Until I get home to heaven, there's going to be an ache that won't quit. The grieving process for me is not so much a matter of getting rid of the pain, but not being controlled by the pain."
2 comments:
hey sweet girl. my heart aches for you as i know that your heart is still broken and hurting so much. i'm praying for you all the time, and pray that as each day goes by, your heart and mind would rest better and feel more and more at peace. i love you. Shelley
i love you mere!!! i think about you and pray for you everyday!
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