August 12th

Daddy's birthday is never easy. This year was particularly difficult for my brother and me. It was the first time since Dad's death that he obviously wasn't there, AND neither was Mom. Mom always calls us to make sure we are ok. In the past couple of years, she thought about it beautifully. She wouldn't bring it up, unless we did. She would just make sure to call and offer her cheerful voice to check-in on our day. Sometimes, she was so convincing that I really didn't realize what day it was. Then, I would hang up the phone and look at the calender and sure enough, it was Daddy's birthday.

It's silly how days are so important, but they are. I think it may be designed that way because if there weren't days that made you realize your loss or your gain then maybe you wouldn't think about it enough to actually deal with the emotions. Now, I can think of several holidays/days that are going to always stir my heart: Mom's birthday, Dad's birthday, the day of Dad's accident, the day of Dad's death, the day of Mom's death, Father's Day, Mother's Day, Christmas, Thanksgiving, and honestly any other Hallmark day. Holidays make us reflect on life.

Well, God really blessed me on Dad's birthday this year. Although, it was the first without Mom, it was one worth remembering. I shared with some friends what day it was and they were incredibly compassionate. I had someone ask me, "Have you celebrated? How old would your dad be today?"

I had never thought about it like that. He would be 66 years old and yes, I was able to celebrate for the first time in six years.

Paul brought me to downtown Nashville and wanted to surprise me with a plan. So, after several flights of stairs to a beautiful bridge overlooking the city lights and water, he had us sit on a bench, unwrapping a slice of carrot cake from a grocery bag. He placed a candle on the cake, lit it, and we wished my daddy a happy birthday. Words cannot describe the mixed emotions, but I do know that it was incredibly good for my soul and that I am going to start to celebrate his birthday every year from now on.